Brough, You Lose

I know, I know, many of you are expecting a discourse on the death of Osama Bin Laden. I’m sorry, Chris. But I’ve spent the whole day reading and hearing about the bastard, and for now I could really care less. Give me a few days to watch and listen, and you’ll get my take.

What I really wanted to discuss today was Brough. Most folks know about Brough. Probably because you hear about it in my Facebook statuses.

Brough is the armpit of the world.

Okay, that may be a little harsh. Sometimes, Brough isn’t all that bad. It’s got Old Faithful in pizza and sweet and sour (although most often a bit too sweet) chicken. It’s got good desserts. It’s got Clark. But today, Brough broke the rules big time.

You should never use sauce on barbecue chicken. That’s the golden rule of the culinary world. And tonight, Brough took that rule behind the barn and touched it in its no-no places. Mercilessly. Everyone knows that dry seasoning is the best for chicken. Ask my dad about that one. But Brough decided tonight that they could take regular chicken quarters, cook them to a salmonella-loving 130 degrees Fahrenheit in a microwave, and then smother them in greasy brown juice. Bam, barbecue chicken. It may or may not have been the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. If you’d like to confirm that one, go ask the janitor that cleans the 3rd floor bathroom in Old Main. He’ll never be the same again, his family said.

From now on, here’s the rule. You’re chicken can only be saucy if you can guarantee that it tastes good. Case in point: Buffalo Wild Wings. That chicken is delicious. So delicious, in fact, that when I’m done eating and my hands are covered in Parmesan Garlic sauce, I’m okay with that. I might even be enthused by it; P-G Part II is running through my head.

But when Brough dips its chicken in toilet sludge and expects us to eat it with our hands, they cross the line. Not only to they turn our mouths and gastrointestinal tracts into Chernobyl (or Fukushima if you’d like), they force us to go wash our hands rather than lick the stuff off. That’s just cruel.

To Mark This Tremendous Occasion

Today is a big day. A huge day. Of course you all know why. I was personally so excited by it that I had to write about it right now.

May 1st will live forever in history as the day that Ricky Henderson broke the stolen bases record.

God bless America for that one.

Coincidentally, today also marks a more minor note in history, the day that we killed a terrorist. His name is inconsequential. He was an ideologue. He adhered to a radical set of teachings, and had many other companions in his adherence. But apparently by killing him, the US has put an end to terrorism forever. Now that we have killed Osama Bin Laden, no one will want to step up and take his place. Awesome!

Upon hearing the news, the only thing that bothered me is that I won’t get to see Bin Laden die. With Hussein, I actually got to watch it happen. That was good family fun. But with this guy, I actually have to use my imagination. That’s a little too involved for me.

There’s something about this image http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/asiapcf/05/02/bin.laden.dead/index.html?hpt=T1&iref=BN1 that bothers me. Osama, you are NOT Number One anymore, so quit acting like it!

In a serious tone, the fact that Bin Laden was living safely in a mansion near the capital city of Pakistan raises some issues. Hopefully it will make us seriously question our relationship with Pakistan. They aren’t our friends, or at least they sure don’t instill confidence in me.

Luke and I went and saw “Atlas Shrugged: Part One” tonight. I went along with him because he’s really dumb and he needs a smart person to explain it to him. The whole time he was drooling over how hot the Mexican guy was.

I thought it was a great movie. The only thing that could’ve moved the economics driven storyline along, in my opinion, was 3D.

Edit: People here are shooting off fireworks. Fayetteville must really love Ricky Henderson.

This Post Is Sort Of Like The Florida Gators

Allow me to explain the title a little bit, for football-illiterate people. Yesterday’s post was pretty much critical gold. The whole world loved it. I think I may have been the first person to unite the entire educated world under a common opinion. Birthers are stupid.

So clearly, today’s post has a whole lot to live up to. A lot like the Florida Gators did last season. They were coming off of a national championship two seasons before, and a strong showing the next season after. So everyone expected the 2010 Gators under Urban Meyer to be some pretty hot shit. But they weren’t. They sucked, Mississippi State and South Carolina both beat them. They were a pretty big let down.

I’m not saying all that because this post will be a let down. It will still be absolute critical gold as well. ACG, as I like to call it starting about 30 seconds ago, is a term that was created by the smart people of the world to describe my writing. It’s a unique classification. Once something has become ACG, it cannot be described any more accurately or specifically. ACG is like a living, breathing, dynamic creature. It takes many forms, but it always is what it is.

In a more simple sense for you peasants and plebes, although this entry is ACG, yesterday’s was my opus.

Today, my friend Luke came over. Luke is one of those friends that I like to have around to keep me humble, and to laugh at. Listening to him speak reminds me of the value of my education, and how lucky I am to be born in a country like America where his kind is tolerated rather than ethnically cleansed.

Luke and I were watching a documentary called “Countdown to Zero,” about nuclear weapons and the evolving threat they are becoming. In the course of the documentary, footage came up of Robert Oppenheimer’s famous line “Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.” An interesting thought came to mind.

Now, Luke will deny this and claim that it was his original idea from the beginning, but it truthfully is my intellectual property. Oppenheimer was directly quoting the Bhagavad Ghita. Why is it then, today, that Oppenheimer is credited with that line? Does that mean that all I need to do to secure my spot in history (for the purpose of this rhetorical question let’s assume I’m not already famous) is read a few lines from the Gettysburg Address and claim them as my own? Food for thought, World.

We Are Surrounded By Complete Idiots

My goodness, the population of America is 99% idiots, and Donald Trump is their Messiah. I am at a complete loss after what I have witnessed this morning. You have got to be kidding me.

Here we are, three years into Obama’s presidency, and the birth certificate is STILL an issue? Both parties are absolutely stupid. I’m so angry at America right now that it is hard to think. Here we are, with a $14.5 trillion debt, 9% unemployment, and the weakest dollar in history… And we’re worrying about a birth certificate?

The first question I have to ask is directed towards the biggest idiots, aka the “Birthers.” Assuming that Obama really isn’t legally allowed to be President… How do you all suggest we go about punishing him? Do we put him in jail? Fine him a million dollars? Banish him to Kenya? Really, what do you suggest is a proper way to atone for all of the damage you insist he has done to America? Unless he can reimburse us 2 trillion dollars, there’s really no point. The birth certificate quit being an issue when Obama was sworn in.

Now, to the Obama administration… During the general election, when Jeremiah Wright was becoming an issue, you didn’t hesitate to cut that one off. You went into full-out damage control and made a prompt, comprehensive speech explaining that you had long since cut ties to Rev. Wright. Why is it then, when you have an issue like your birth certificate hanging out in the open, you let it go for three years before you address it?

I can answer that one. Because you’ve waited to use it to your advantage. Republicans, you are complete idiots. Aside- At this point, I keep using the word “idiot” because my sweet mother reads my blog and I don’t want to use the stronger language that I feel is definitely warranted. But Republicans, Tea Partyers, Donald Trump… By pushing the birther issue so ridiculously hard, you’ve given Obama an ideal distraction at a time when he definitely needs one. The nation’s debt ceiling should be our ONLY issue right now. Not Planned Parenthood, no DADT, and definitely not the President’s birth certificate. At a time when Obama is seriously lacking any leverage in the debt ceiling debate, and when the public was finally beginning to catch on to a serious issue that needs to be addressed, you went and distracted us all with this birth certificate business. You gave Obama the chance to actually address your charges. And he whooped you! Instead of continuing to focus on what matters (the debt ceiling) which is an issue where you have some leverage, you have decided to waste every last bit of political capital you have. In doing so you have given BHO a great gift moving into campaign season: Momentum.

My next issue deals with Obama’s actual Certificate of Live Birth, found here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/barackobama/8478044/Birther-row-began-with-Hillary-Clinton.html

Many Republicans are claiming that “the certificate looks shopped.”

Are you kidding me!??!?! You seriously must be! Ask yourself this quick, easy question.

If the President of the United States, the MOST POWERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD, wants to fake a simple birth certificate… Would he Photoshop it? REALLY? And better yet, would he do such a bad job of shopping it that even your run-of-the-mill 67 IQ Internet troll could point out why it was shopped?

Do you think that Obama said, “Hey, Sasha and Malia, come here. Take this computer, and use the photo editing software to make me a fake but legitimate looking birth certificate. Thanks girls.”

Or would he say, “Hey, one of my many trained professionals that I have completely unrestricted access to, make me a damn birth certificate.”

As I said, we’re surrounded by idiots.

Moving on, I want to address something that’s really bothering me. I got up this morning and saw a Facebook status from Mike Huckabee. It said “White House and President would be better off focusing on deficit and high gas prices…”

What followed will go down in history as the greatest single collection of human stupidity ever known. In fact, these people’s comments are so absolutely DUMB that I wanted to take the time to cite a few of them, including the genius’s names, and respond to there concerns.

Will Sander said “I agree, but TRUMP alone got President Obama to cough up his long form birth certificate. The man is a machine.” — Yes, Will, but Trump had help. The Insane Clown Posse, I mean the Tea Party, helped too.

Reed McMullan said “JoAnn, you are all like the rest of the liberals who support Obama’s Socialistic Attitude towards America. He needs to be concerned about his problems as being a horrible president, than showing a fake Birth Certificate, which took up about 30 Minutes of his already invaluable job as our president. Trump 2012″ — I think Reed’s stupidity speaks for itself.

Holly Hickman Wofford said “They need to lower the gas prices…my car is getting fed better than my kids are…and why hasn’t the President put a freeze on the prices anyway…” –Yes, Holly, since he can do that. And when he did, you would say “GD-it you damn Muslim, quit interfering with free enterprise!” like a good Republican.

Terri Spires says “THEY TOO BUSY STUDYING WHERE THEY GOIN ON VACATION NEXT! The WORST PRESIDENT I HAVE EVER KNOWN!?” –Apparently, despite speaking in all caps like a true adult, Terri leaves us wondering if she’s really confident, based upon her punctuation.

Lori Leuthardt, our resident Constitutional scholar, said “He still is illegal according to the constituional requirements to be POTUS. Both parents have to be U.S citizens. His father wasn’t.” — Actually, dipshit, NO WHERE in the United States Constitution does it say that. You don’t deserve to live.

Andrea Struble said “that CHRIST may dwell through the faith in our hearts, in love having been rooted and founded, that ye may be in strength to comprehend.” — Yes, when in doubt, quote a Bible verse but give no explanation as to why it’s relevant.

Seth Easterling, the smartest man in the world, wrote “Well I would have to say gas prices then deficite the rest is hog wash. You curve gas prices to under 2.00 a gallon ten the deficite will fix itself. Think about it people could hire people and that makes more tax revenue. Go after companies paying people under the table and tell kuwait, saudia araba, iraq, and now syria we will pay you what we want for the oil and you will produce it. No more selling it on wall street cut it out. Do away with OPEC. That is the problem we blow them up rebuild them and the screw us. We are tired of this trend its time some one with some back bone stands up for us.” — Apparently, Seth got straight A’s in his home school economics classes.

Terri Meikle said “They want people who are hurting financially to go buy electric cars! Who’s out of since?” — Well Terri, apparently you are, because you can’t spell.

Judy Montgomery is like the stupid friend who asks really unnecessary questions, but you have to answer them because she’s special and you’d feel bad if you didn’t… “i wonder if there has ever been a disabled President in the white house????” – Yes, Judy, there was one a looooong time ago. He’s on the dime!

Jere Brower is the insensitive friend “Judy, that is dumb question and it shows you have a complete lack of American history. I hope you are not a Republican.”

Nancy Border Crowder said “I do not believe the document is real. A 49 year old birth certificate should show some wear. My children’s were shown for entrance to school, to receive their SS numbers, play baseball, etc. They aren’t that old but show signs of wear. Obama’s doesn’t have a fold, a smudge or any other sign of being that old. He certainly did produce it fast when Trump wouldn’t give up. I think this should be thoroughly investigated.” Again, because the State of Hawaii can’t make an official copy unless they beat it up and make it look old.

Jerry Culbertson said “karen , exactly, lets stop spending our money. nothing else is working. so lets try this. stop spending money now. do without now. put off that vacation, dont buy a car, or new cloths let them see we ccan control things with our pocketbooks.” –Yes Jerry, because the best way to stimulate the economy is to quit spending money.

Alisha Reece said “Hes a smart idiot and no im not saying that because hes black, because hes not black hes MIXED.” — WOW Alisha. WOW.

Now, I’ve given you some insight into these peoples’ stupidity. I kind of like this. Being critical of stupid people basically gives me infinite writing fodder.

You’ll notice that I did include names in those comments, pretty unique, original names. Feel free to contact the posters and let them know how stupid they are.

That’s it, I can’t write anymore now, except to say that we need the Fair Tax!

Edit: I found a really good comment on Huckabee’s status in response to someone saying that “Reagan would fix this!”

Ed Wheeley (name sounds familiar) said “Yes Char, since trickle down economics really does work. Feel that money trickling down? Oh wait, that’s not money, that’s the rich people pissing on you and laughing because they’re money is in tax shelters!”

Then the same Ed Wheeley came back and said “God help us if any of you contribute even further to the gene pool.”

I like this guy.

Mobile Update

For those of you reading, aka the entire world, you’re witnessing history in the making. My first mobile blog update. Ross Burnett, you can take the credit for this one. Your comment inspired me to update.

That being said, though, this update won’t be too substantial. I’ve got the wheels rolling now, so by the time I get home I should have enough thoughts put together to have a pretty coherent, structured argument in blog form. Until then, до свидания.

Hello again everyone. It was nice to see the renewed traffic yesterday. By my measurements, we had 1.86 trillion unique viewers, of which 22% were Anthony Bourdain. That’s good stuff. But we can’t let it stop there. Tell your friends, tell your parents, tell your worst enemies. We need to get my readership up.

Now’s the time of the day where I start name-dropping in order to get more search hits from Google. Ehem…

Donald Trump. Deficit. White House. Paul Ryan. Mitt Romney. Barack Obama. Michelle Obama. Fidel Castro. Congress. Oil. Oil. Oil. Tornado. Tax Breaks. Financial Crisis. Inflation. Glenn Beck. Playoffs. NBA. Celtics. Knicks.

Alright, I think I covered most of Huffington Post’s front page with that one.

Lately, I’ve been becoming more and more interested in having a vegetable garden. I don’t know why, exactly. I think it’s partly because I want to save money, even though the initial investment coupled with the small  scale of what I want to grow would probably take a few years to equal out. Another reason is that I want to “eat healthy,” and having vegetables (and lots of salt) readily available might encourage me to do that.

However, I think the biggest reason is a little less clear than either of those. Can Americans be self-sustaining any more? Don’t get me wrong, we live in the Global Age, and there are certain things just better obtained elsewhere. But does the average American really have the ability to provide something for his or her self? It’s not as simple as shooting a deer and having meat for a few weeks. Growing a garden requires knowledge, commitment, and perseverance when Nature doesn’t work in your favor. So I guess that’s my reason for wanting a garden. To prove myself wrong and show that at least some Americans haven’t lost the desire and ability to put a little bit of home grown food on the table.

If you like squash, call me in a few months because I’m gonna be overrun with it.

An Aside to My Last Post

I’ve been trying to add this to my last entry, but my guess is that the server is being overloaded with new viewers so I don’t have enough bandwidth to edit… So I’ll post this aside/supplement to my last entry. But please, if you’re being directed to this page from Facebook, please go down and read the last entry before continuing to this one.

The biggest flaw that’s evident to me is the lack of education of the American electorate. Most Americans aren’t well educated enough (another argument entirely, for tomorrow) to make a decision between a catch-all political party and a party with a narrowly, more streamlined platform. Many Americans would probably identify with a centrist party, but feel like they must align themselves with either the Republicans or Democrats in order to have their voices heard. The bigoTrEA PARTY claims to have addressed this, but in reality they’ve just further polarized the far-right, Glenn Beck disciples.

This is the problem with America. The Republican Party can “save” $38 billion, lose $42 billion, and claim both as a victory. A victory for the same people! Conservatives who would rather die than see higher taxes have worn blinders for so long that they can look at both numbers separately and never know that anything is wrong. “Hey, we got a tax cut, nice.” “Hey, they saved our money, nice.” When in reality, everyone is the country should be asking, “Where the hell did our $4 billion just go?”

From this point forward, fiscal responsibility isn’t a partisan issue. It’s an American issue. As a whole, we have to understand that you can’t continue drawing money from something if you refuse to pay back into it.

An Update On My Thoughts

Hello pals. I’m updating today because: I have nothing better to do, and I promised my Comm class that I would update today. So my hands are tied behind my back.

I signed a lease on a house last week. It’s awesome. So awesome that you’re probably not invited over. It’s got a pretty exclusive guest list, so exclusive that if you have to ask, you’re not invited. If you are, you already know. (Anthony Bourdain you are invited).

I just got back from an ethics class where we discussed benevolence and the need to donate money to end world poverty. I’m really fired up so you can look forward to tonight’s post being one of my more politically-fueled entries.

First of all, I don’t think that all people have an obligation to forgo luxuries and donate everything to charity (see “The Peter Singer Solution to World Poverty). That guy was an idiot. There’s a fine balance. Just like the trade deficit with China fuels their ability to lend to us, allowing us to buy more of their stuff, a delicate balance exists when giving to those in need. Balance is the key word. If we funneled every last cent into ending poverty, it wouldn’t be long before the shoe was on the other foot. Or worse. Our consumerism and luxury is helped along by cheap labor overseas. If we were to quit buying luxuries and channel all the money overseas, then the demand for our luxuries would cease to exist. Who makes our luxuries? Probably the same people receiving our charity. They would lose their jobs because of lack of demand, but be temporarily propped up by our charity. However, when the charity ended, both of us would be equally poor. Us, poor by American standards because we gave away our wealth, and the rest of the world even more poor because their markets disappeared. Great plan, Singer.

I am no longer a Republican. Yes, I’ve mentioned that before, but I wanted to reinforce it. I’m a libertarian. But, I haven’t really researched our party line (if there is one) regarding the Bush era tax cuts. Did you see that new statistic? Those cuts will cost America $42 billion dollars this year. The Republicans in Congress are still bragging about the $38 billion they saved on the budget this year… I see a $4 billion deficit in there.

This would be fine and dandy if the wealth was actually trickling down like it’s intended to. But it’s not. It’s being hidden behind tax shelters and concentrated more and more in the hands of the few. Now, don’t call me a Democrat or a Socialist, because I’m not. Those people would advocate the reallocation of those funds into social welfare programs. I wouldn’t.

Here’s my idea.*

Stop extending the Bush tax cuts to the rich. The bastards spend $7 billion a year just figuring out how to hide their money! Instead, tax them like everyone else and pay down the debt. That’s taking a proactive approach to revitalizing the American economy, rather than crossing our fingers and hoping that our friendly executives at AIG reinvest their bonuses in American industry rather than hiding it in a tax shelter. If we were to pay down the debt, we would strengthen the US Dollar and regain global faith in the world economic order.

The current administration’s strategy is to maintain a weak dollar in order to make American products more appealing to foreign consumers. That sounds great in principle as long as the American industry exists to make the products. The problem is that it doesn’t. By strengthening the dollar, you make the factors of production cheaper to American industry. You make working in an American factory more appealing than a factory abroad. In short, you make it more effective to do business in America than elsewhere. So what if it costs the rest of the world a little more to buy our products? There used to be a premium paid for “Made in the USA.” Let’s make that true again.

A lot of this will face objection from those who say “But it’s just cheaper to do business in China. You can pay lower wages there.”

Enough of that bull. The cost of labor is no longer a factor in industry, and it never will be again. The rest of the world is fast approaching equality with the West. Before long wages will be the same (in real terms) as they are in the US. So what becomes the bottom line cost? Energy. Proximity to markets is about to become the deciding factor in the global economy. Who has the biggest market? The United States. Industry needs to be relocated here in order to satisfy this market, and that’s not going to happen unless the dollar strengthens.

Look at the issue that creates. The rich can hold on to their money now, and slowly see it wash away as their companies move overseas. Or, they can let go of it in the short term, only to see us all reap the benefits in the future. That, my faithful readers, is real trickle down economics.

*Edit: For those of my most devout followers who know me best, I would still advocate for a FairTax above anything else.

Reversal Reversal

A number of events have transpired this afternoon that have caused me to, yet again, reverse my official stance on some key issues. Go ahead, call me Newt Gingrich.

After listening to the unedited audio of the Traveler’s interviews, I’m come to the following conclusion: Both tickets suck. So I’ve come full circle to my post from the other day. ASG is dumb and a waste of time. In no way am I forgiving the Traveler for its blatant transversal of  basic journalistic integrity. They would’ve been much better off to just post the interviews and leave it at that. By taking an official stance, they’ve compromised their credibility for the rest of the campaign.

My original plan of action was to see if I could jump into the campaign at the last second. I’m sure that I could “hit the ground running,” in the words of all the candidates. I also “know more about this than anyone” to paraphrase another candidate. To further qualify myself, I’m really good at taking questions and coming up with answers that don’t address them in any way.

So, it sounds like I’d be a pretty good candidate. My platform would’ve been simple: Vote for me because everyone else sucks. Think about it… It wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. Both tickets’ platforms have their foundation in the assumption that they know exactly what every student wants. I’ll be honest, I have no idea what everyone wants. If that’s the case, why not just elect a trustee to act upon student referendums? Better yet, if no one really knows what anyone wants, why not just draw someone’s name to be the trustee? That could save time and campaign money.

It’s too bad that there’s no space for a write-in candidate, but in its absence I’ll give you this call to action: Don’t vote in the ASG election. Save yourself and everyone else some time, because regardless of the winner the outcome is inevitable. Next year will be really lame and no one will be aware of any difference. The only good that comes out of it is on the resumes of those four individuals.

Reversing My Last Post

As the title may indicate, not so subtly, I’m reversing myself and my last post.

Exactly how I’m reversing myself, though, is interesting.

As of today, I am concerned about the Associated Student Government. No longer could I care less. You may be asking yourself why I’ve suddenly shifted directions so quickly. There’s a simple reason.

After reading the UA Traveler’s “reporting” on the ASG campaign, I feel compelled to do the exact opposite of what they’re telling me to do. Their support of the Williams/Sanati ticket makes me sick. I feel like a third grader on acid would have a 75% chance of producing a better piece of reporting than the UA Trav. At least the third grader on acid would be impartial. That is, unless, one of the candidates gave the third grader more acid.

Let’s be serious. The Trav has severely compromised its own credibility by publishing what it did. Imagine if tomorrow, Fox News came out and said that we should all vote for Sarah Palin because she’s ready to jump right in and start running the country, cliche, cliche, cliche, etc. And to back up their claims, she’d be better than Obama because he smokes, plays basketball a little too much to be taken seriously, and picked a dreadful NCAA bracket.

Seeing something so blatantly biased coming from something that my tuition helps fund angers me, to say the least. Why doesn’t my blog get university funding? At this point, I think my entry is probably more balanced than either of the Trav’s articles. And according to their logic, I’m a pretty good leader and blogger, since I’ve been involved with my blog for some length of time.

So, I would say just to vote for me for your ASG ticket. But I can’t, which brings me to my next point.

I will vote for whichever ticket chooses to eliminate all funding for the UA Traveler. Think about it. Why does such a small group of the student body receive such a disproportionate amount of funding? Their website lists 36 staff members. Those 36 staffers are funded by roughly $15,000 of our collection tuition. That’s not a lot, by any means, but that’s still $416 per person. My RSO doesn’t even get $416 all year, and some would argue that we provide a better service to the community.

Better yet, what if my blog received $416 in funding a year? There’s my proposal to the incoming ASG executive council. Let’s cut the budget to the Traveler. I’ll do a better job for 1/36 the price. And I won’t throw you under the bus.

In ending, I would like to encourage everyone to go a bit beyond reading the Traveler’s analysis of the candidates. Go to the debate tonight, read around some on your own. Contact the candidates on Facebook. Just do your part to be an educated voter, not one of the Trav’s sheeple.

And for the record, the ticket I vote for will NOT have the names Williams, Sanati, Dunn, or Reid in it.

***UPDATE***

Got some bad news… I just went through the “other” ticket’s “On the Campaign Trail” (which sounds very pretentious) album, and I’ve gotta say… They’ve got some heavy hitters. Not only was there a picture of some super cool sidewalk chalk, there were also pictures with Razorback football players. There’s a credible source. Getting political advice from the football team is like getting legal advice from Cam Newton. Or having an emotional sit down chat about your homosexuality with Moses. Or signing your investment portfolio over to me. The comparisons could go on, but I hope you get my point.